2014: The Year that Was

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feet on the water (Tingko, Alcoy)

2014 was as swift as the wind. I guess when you get older, days and months seem to pass by quickly like nobody's business. And, before you know it a full year has gone.

Although this year was a sick year for me, I wouldn't have done it any other way. Being hospitalized in the first of January without even knowing why was definitely hard. I actually thought that would be the end of me. Although I recovered, I still have to be on the look out in case I experience the same symptoms again.

new year at the hospital *

Because of that experience, I was keen on living life and prioritizing what I thought was important. It was like a wake-up call to focus on things that actually matter. It was also that time when I realized who are the ones who will be there for me when I needed them the most.

us (Maria Christina Falls) *

2014 was also a year of firsts for me. I flew to Manila for the first time (for work). I went to Dipolog/Mindanao for the first time (still for work). I spent a couple of days in solitude with my boyfriend in Siquijor. I visited his family in Iligan City for the first time. The list goes on, actually. I could say I've managed to cram quite a few locations in 12 months despite my lack of budget. All these trips made 2014 even more memorable.

This year I decided to do myself a favor and write a little list of yearly achievable goals. While I was at the hospital, I realized I don't want to die without doing something for myself, like going out of my comfort zone and meeting new people.  I know I seem to do it every year, but this is the first time I was able to tick a few on the list, like getting my passport. Learning to drive and swim are still carried over to my 2015 list. *wink*

three (plus one) on a motorbike to Mantalungon

I guess this 2014, I didn't fail in celebrating and patting myself at the back for the little accomplishments I've done. Nobody will pat myself if I won't and nobody will accomplish those things for me, unless I do it myself. Overall, 2014 has been a can-do year and I'm happy on how it turned out. It wasn't so bad after all.

I can't wait for 2015 and I'm hoping it's going to be a big one. I now have a fresh list of what I want to do next year. I know it won't be easy, but who said life is? I thank heavens for a brand new year and a year of opportunities. So, bring 2015 on!

Note: * digital photos 

Death and His Scared Friends

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cross on a hill
Fuji XTRA 400 x CD-R King

Death can be such an awkward, scary, and interesting topic to talk about. Some people also think it's taboo. It's something so abstract yet concrete at the same time. We are very familiar with it and it can also be a stranger at times. Oh, such is death.

A few hours earlier on our way home from a fashion shoot, most of the team talked about recent murders and deaths. One of the makeup artists scolded me for nonchalantly joking about my death. During the shoot, I joked about my soul being called (in a nearby chapel that's having a novena or a mass). They said that when you do joke about your death, you should take it back right away or else it will come to you.

I've never been the kind of person who believes in superstition. I've always been rational. That time, however, my heart beat fast which was strange. I then tried to rationalize that bit of fear I had.

Of prayers in yellows and reds
Centuria DNP 400 x CD-R King

Truth is, I've never been afraid of death. Back in my first few years in college, I struggled with my low self-esteem and suicidal tendencies. I wanted to die young because I was afraid to feel the whirl of emotions we all go through with life. I had this elaborate plan of dying that nobody knew about. I even had a core group of other girls who were struggling with their suicidal tendencies. We helped each other out and we cried on afternoons in the school campus when nobody was around. Now, we're all leading our own lives and have escaped that endless phase.

Earlier this year, I thought I was going to die but I felt so emotionless about it. I was hospitalized and the doctors didn't know what was wrong with me. Every day I was put through different tests and they still couldn't figure it out. I couldn't breathe and couldn't sleep. My parents were panicking but I never gave a damn. I was more worried about my expenses. Other patients in my ward were dying (really!). I cried every night. I didn't fear for my life but it hurt knowing families will be mourning.

Balete branches
Centuria DNP 400 x Konica C35

That fear earlier during the trip home was a shocker, especially for someone like me who has been casual with death. I'm not afraid of death. I'm more afraid of leaving my loved ones without security. I'm not scared of dying, but more of not passing through life without peace.

As a rationalize this fear in my head right now, I know I've led a good life. Although I'm never good with expressing my feelings, but I love my friends and family deeply.  Right now, I don't have regrets for the decisions I've made. I only have hope for the future that's yet to come and maybe of death that we'll all face in due time.

Crisis, Crises

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in the midst of shadow ( CD-R King x Centuria DNP 400)

Lately, I haven't been feeling myself. I guess the fact that it's almost the year end  is getting into me. I don't know about you, but I always panic around this time of the year. I feel like I haven't accomplished anything for myself. A year with 12 months is just a wee bit too short to do all the things you want and need. Although I have checked quite a few things on this year's must-accomplish list, I still feel a bit unfinished.

I have a few things on the list that I still need to work on and it breaks my heart that I may have to carry these things on to next year's list.

shining sun (CD-R King x Centuria DNP 400)

I think I'm also a bit pressured that next year I'll be turning 25. I know to some, this might seem young, but I already feel old. I feel like I need to step up my game for myself and for my family. To me 25 is like a benchmark year. You're no longer a teenager and you already have a few years of being an 'adult' under your belt. Just having some 'big' accomplishments will help you feel that you're on the right track to adulthood.

I've never been the "que sera, sera" type of person. I sometimes wish I was, but that kind of happy-go-lucky character has never been in my system. I've always been the worried-like-mom kind of person who wants to plan and be in control of everything. But, life doesn't work that way. Things can go awry any minute.

leaves falling (Smena 8M x Euro Color 200)

I guess what I really want in life is to achieve a lot of things for myself. Nobody can learn how to swim for me. Nobody can learn how to save and invest for me. And, nobody can work hard for the things I want to buy.

I owe it to myself to achieve great things. Sometimes, I just feel like I haven't been pushing myself too hard. There's a voice inside saying I can still do a lot of things and it's just waiting for me to take action.

Ricohflex TLS 401

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The Ricohflex TLS 401 is definitely a sturdy and cool-looking film SLR. It's interesting and can be a good camera to have in one's collection. This one was the boyfriend's and I got a chance to test it before he did.

This camera came out in 1970. What makes this Ricohflex camera interesting is its changeable waist-level and eye-level viewfinder. There's a knob on top of the viewfinder that allows you to change the viewing setting. Although this feature makes the camera bulkier, this can come pretty handy in shooting. You don't need to squat when shooting short subjects, like little children.

The camera gives you a lot of control, being manual. So you have the freedom to up your shutter speed or aperture depending on your needs. With the 1.7 f lens, the camera takes sharp and crisp images. I love how some of the photos came out. This can be a great camera for taking portraits.

My little model wannabe. *

Roadside vulcanize. *

Be careful in loading your film in the Ricohflex TLS 401. It can be tricky and it's quite different to the other film cameras I've used. I wasted around a month of shooting with the Ricohflex thinking that the film was properly loaded. Unfortunately, it wasn't. I wanted to cry and stab myself when I found out I lost a whole month of photos. Aside from that this specific unit had a hazy viewfinder. Focusing your subject can be a challenge and nearly impossible at night.

Kitty eyes. *

I guess the only problem I had with the camera is that it is REALLY heavy for me. I'm a small girl and this camera weighs as much as my usual work handbag. It also looks big on me. This makes it an impractical camera for daily shooting. However, it can be a sturdy camera that can withstand the daily grind, if you're up for it.

* photos taken with Centuria DNP 400 film

Look Up

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my favorite mess of trees
*Centuria DNP 400 x CD-R King film camera*

There are times when days seem to drag on and the world seems upside down. But, such is life. There will always be ups and downs and that's what we all need to deal with every single day.

Things will never go our way, no matter how we plan every minute detail. People will hurt us. Circumstances will make us disappointed. Sometimes, we just feel alone despite the crowd around us. Then, reality bites. We're all on our own, aren't we? 

vines going up
*Centuria DNP 400 x CD-R King film camera*

When I was in college, I went through a lot of challenges that shook me emotionally. I usually found solace in staying underneath the trees in UP. Before there was the Ichthus in the campus, there was the green mess. The area had unruly grasses and garbage. I enjoyed standing there looking up at the trees not minding that I look crazy.

Sometimes, we get so preoccupied and stressed with everything that's eye-level that we forget what's above us. I'm not referring to any god, but to the magnanimity of life and nature. It's a different perspective.

When I look up, I feel so tiny in a big world. I feel that my worries seem trivial compared to those who face hunger or illness.

Makati
*Fuji XTRA 400 x CD-R King film camera*

Even if I'm not facing something deadly, I try to see a different perspective. It's refreshing to see things in a different light, from a different point-of-view. To see that sometimes, you need to know how sad you can get in order to be happy.

Siquijor's balete
*Centuria DNP 400 x Konica C35*

When I look up at the sky and at the trees, and all my worries seem to fade away. Bits and bits fly away with the clouds and the leaves. 

Quick Trip to Dapitan and Dipolog

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a scenic welcome in Mindanao

My company had a marketing conference in Dipolog two months ago. It was just a quick trip, mostly for work and some fun here and there. It was my first time in Mindanao and I was both scared and psyched at the same time. I have an irrational fear of boats and riding one to and fro the destination, which caused a lot of distress for me. When we were on our way to Mindanao, the boat stopped midway and I freaked out. Aside from that mishap, the entire trip went on smoothly.

On our first day, we went on tour in Dapitan. This is a historical city as the national hero, Jose Rizal (AKA my forever idol and obsession in grade school) spent his last years in Dapitan. There was a Josephine Bracken street, that I wasn't able to take a photo of. We also visited the spot where Rizal first landed by boat in Dapitan. We went around the city and to the churches and plazas.

Rizal's first steps in Dapitan

St. James Church in Dapitan

I wasn't able to take photos in Rizal's Dapitan home mostly because it was getting dark and my ISO 200 film can't handle it. Plus, I hate shooting with flash. I only took a few photos with my smartphone and just enjoyed being a tourist. I had a I-just-want-to-take-it-all-in-and-get-lost-in-the-forest kind of feeling.

A dancing girl on the rock where Rizal and Bracken are said to have been married.

That night, we went to Fantasy Land, which was a mini version of Star City. However, I wasn't really feeling up for some amusement rides since I'm a scaredy-cat. My editor, creative head, co-writer, and me just went ahead to the hotel and enjoyed the pool.

The next day was intended for a quick Dipolog tour before we get on our boat to Cebu. Our department basically spent most of this Dipolog trip by buying pasalubongs. We dropped by Montaño twice and Cathy's Bakeshop.

Our Lady of the Most Holy Rosary Cathedral in Dipolog

Cathy's

The trip was definitely short. However, I can't complain because it was really intended for work. Dapitan and Dipolog were great as quick getaways that weekend. I hope I can visit again soon with more time of course. Comment below if you've gone here and where's your favorite spot.

*photos taken with Fujicolor 200 X Nikon L35 AF*

Review: Pentax ME Super

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Pentax ME Super *

I got myself a new toy last year, a Pentax ME Super. I've been looking for an SLR that's not quite pricey but would still give me quality photos. I landed on this baby when I saw it on eBay. The price was just right and it came along with a set of filters, a tele-converter, and a flash. I though it was a great deal until I got the items early this year from the US. The camera was not in great cosmetic condition. The flash works but some parts were missing. The filters and the lens cap weren't the right ones for the 50mm lens. 

LESSON LEARNED: Ask as much questions as possible before purchasing a vintage camera online.

Despite all these, I just tried to make the most out of the camera I purchased. We tried to put on some fresh (SR44) batteries for the light meter and everything seemed to work properly. However, we did find another battery compartment that we can't open and don't know the purpose. (Please do comment if you know what the battery compartment is for.)

back view of Pentax ME Super *

The Pentax ME Super is from the late 1970s to mid 1980s. It has semi-automatic operation which allows users to switch from manual to automatic shooting. However, focusing has to be done manually.

The great thing about the ME Super is that it's really light. It probably is the lightest SLR camera I've used so far. It's not bulky, which is perfect for those who don't want to lug around heavy SLRs all the time. I try to bring a film camera with me to work regularly and this baby fits the purpose.

Heritage of Cebu Monument in Parian Park **

boats in Maribago **

Because it has an automatic feature and the light meter seemed to work fine, I relied heavily on shooting auto (aperture priority). I thought this made the entire experience easier and less hassle. I found the camera's electronic shutter completely cumbersome as I had to adjust the speed with the up and down buttons rather than the usual wheel.

I was really in love with the camera, despite the little flaws. When I finished my roll, I was utterly disappointed and heartbroken to find that most, if not all, of the photos turned out underexposed. I used a 400 ISO film and used auto (AP), which probably is the reason why the camera overcompensated the shots I made. I also think that the light meter is quite off. These are just speculations, though.

a blind talent **

Marcelo B. Fernan Bridge at night **

If you have encountered the same problem with the Pentax ME Super, please do leave a comment. I would like to know how my shots ended like this. I'll definitely test out the camera with another roll soon and post the photos here. I hope it will end up better than my first.

* taken with Canon 500D

** Pentax ME Super X Kodak Ultramax 400