Confessions of a Bullied Girl

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Bullying was always something you would see in a foreign movie. Nerdy kids being bullied by the jocks and the popular kids. That's always typical in an American film. I never thought that it would happen in real life (in the Philippine setting) or that it would happen to me.

I used to be bullied a whole lot in school and because of a variety of reasons: because I have curly hair, because I am "dark," because my family name is funny, because I don't know how to dance, and because I was smart. I was bullied by boys, girls, and even by an entire class. They would call me names, laugh at me, and talk behind my back. However, they all pretend to be friends with me afterwards. This made me even more angry.

Being bullied by all of my classmates because I was the top of the class, probably was the most unforgettable bullying experience I ever had. When the teacher was gone, they would all call me names and tell me that I was worthless. They would all laugh at me. This lasted a few months until at some point I was already rank two. After that, they stopped.

Only one person stood by me and defied our entire class, that was my bestfriend. It's kind of funny how they tried to persuade her against me, but she just wouldn't. I thank her for keeping me sane all throughout that ordeal. She and that experience were the reasons why I got into writing. I wrote about that experience and submitted it to our school paper's adviser and that started it all.

All throughout grade school and in the later part of my high school, I was bullied. Oftentimes, they pretend to be friends with me, but I just know who they really are. I play along with their pretend niceness, but at the back of my head I know everything they've been saying.

Sometimes you'd think that bullying only happens in school. However, it's prevalent at work. People think bullying is only limited to aggression or verbal abuse. However, emotional or psychological abuse is also a form of bullying.

Being bullied is one of the reasons why I have trust issues. I don't trust people right away. Trust can be a long process for me and it's something that I give sparingly. I also have this tendency to stay away from people after being close to them. I'm afraid that people will leave me so I choose to leave them first and save myself from the pain.

Bullying has also led me to become hateful and vengeful. I can't forgive people right away. I always remember the pain and the misery brought about by those instances and the people who bullied me. This is also the same to those people who have hurt me. To be honest, I've never forgiven any one of them. This hate is the reason why I'm workaholic at times. I just want to focus on success, on my career, on my future. Oftentimes, this mentality helps me cope with all the disappointments and pain in my life. The more I focus on myself, the more I am able to control all the hurt that I've gone through.

Sometimes I wish I can be comfortable in my own skin without worrying about all the bad things people say about me. I need to remind myself that in bullying, nothing is wrong with the victim. Oftentimes, it's the offender who has problems.

To Oslob

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early morning in Oslob

We went to Oslob for two days for work. Although the town's background is definitely set up for a vacation, it was an on-location fashion shoot for me (and the rest of the team).

Oslob is more than three hours of travel from Cebu City. Tourists can take the bus from South Bus Terminal or a v-hire from Citilink. The resorts are located right along the road so it isn't a problem to locate one.

bangkas lined up for whale shark diving

tuki: a huge (but adorable) sea creature

The whale sharks (called tuki in Cebuano) in Oslob brought in a lot of tourists in the recent years. These gentle giants go near the shores to feed on krills given to them by local fishermen. Tourists can go swim and dive with these whale sharks for a certain fee and must adhere to the rules and regulations set by the local government of Oslob. There's also a set swimming time for tourists, usually in the morning.

Before going to the sea, tourists have to go through a quick mini-seminar on what you can and can't do in the sea with the whale sharks. Everyone should also wear a life jacket while on the boat. You can remove it though, if you wish to swim deeper and see the whale sharks.

The whole "swim time" is only 30 minutes so you have to make the most out of time if you want to enjoy the sharks' company. Remember to go to Oslob early so you won't miss the whale sharks.

derp face to Tumalog

Tumalog Falls

Aside from the whale sharks, Tumalog Falls is also becoming another famous tourist attraction in Oslob. The waterfall is located far from the main highway. One needs to take a road going up to the mountains and find a sign that says Tumalog Falls. If you have a car, you can drive up to the falls and just park at the "parking space" inside the compound. If you're commuting, you can also ride a motorbike taxi (habal-habal) going up to the falls. Remember, there's an entrance fee.

Tumalog definitely is a breathtaking waterfall. You can have a little picnic on the rocks and eat with your friends and family. You can also stay there the entire day, if you want to. I know my photo doesn't give it justice. We went to Tumalog on a cloudy late afternoon. The area is covered with trees and bamboos which make the place even darker. Anyway, it's best to go there when the sun is out so it's not that cold. Tumalog also closes at 6PM so better be there early.

view from the bangka

My two cents worth on Oslob's whale shark diving:

I wasn't really a fan of this kind of tourism in Oslob even when it first started. Although this is a good income for displaced fishermen in the area, I feel bad whenever the whale sharks get hit by a boat or when tourists disregard the rules and touch the whale sharks. There have been quite a few instances when people rode the back of the whale sharks and some got hit by the boats. It's so difficult to implement the rules and there should be a hefty fine for not abiding in the said rules.

I don't think this is a sustainable way of tourism for the area, especially environmentally. Although it's a great opportunity to observe whale sharks up close. This can do them even more harm than good. While we were there, one whale shark hit itself against our little boat and almost hit me. Although it was an accident, I hope it didn't get itself badly hurt.

my little feet

on the way to land

This is the reason why I didn't visit Oslob despite living in Cebu and passing by the area frequently due to my trips to Negros Oriental. If it weren't for my job, I wouldn't have been there. I don't have hate tourists for wanting to dive with the whale sharks. I can't blame them. They're really a beauty to behold. If you do get a chance to visit the whale sharks, please follow the set rules and don't cause any harm to these friendly animals.

I hope in the coming months or years, there's a more sustainable way of keeping whale sharks from being hunted while also being able to observe them without sacrificing their natural way of life. I know this is usually a never-ending topic, especially for environmentalists. I just hope there's a compromise somewhere.

*photos taken with underwater plastic camera and Kodak Ultramax 400*

Review: Konica Auto S2

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I was able to test out a Konica Auto S2 this week for a friend. We sold it to her through our small online camera store, Stills.

The Konica Auto S2 is a pretty rangefinder camera. I get a lot of compliments with the camera both from non-enthusiasts to the professional photographers in our newsroom (I work in a newspaper). The S2 is a Japanese rangefinder made in the 60s.  It has a 45mm f/1.8 hexanon lens that gives sharp images. Its viewfinder features an automatic parallax correction.

Although the camera can be used automatic, I used it manually. The original batteries for the S2 is no longer available. However, you can use replacement batteries (silver oxide batteries) to be able to use the light meter. If you follow the Sunny 16 rule, you don't need to use the light meter.

The downsides to the S2 is that it is pretty huge and heavy for a rangefinder camera and is the same size as an SLR. Most rangefinders are smaller and lighter, which are the reasons why they are the faves of many enthusiasts. In spite of its size and weight, it's a pretty sturdy camera, which is great for day-to-day shooting or street photography.

Aside from that, adjusting the shutter speed and the aperture can be a hassle to some. Both dials are located on the lens, including the focusing knob. Most people are annoyed by the fact that turning the focusing knob oftentimes affects the shutter speed and aperture dial. However, I've never encountered this problem since I mostly shoot outdoors and use the same settings here in sunny (and humid) Cebu.

I used the camera for four days around Cebu. I shot mostly on daylight and just on the streets of Cebu and in school (UP Cebu). I have to say that it was pretty heavy for a very petite girl like me, who also carries a whole lot of stuff in the bag. But if you're not bringing a lot of things, this is just alright to bring with you. My only problem with rangefinders is that I find it difficult to focus with the patch. 

Overall, I was really glad with how my photos turned out. Most of the shots were sharp and really interesting. I never expected a lot from the camera and the photos just proved how this can be a great addition to one's collection. I also like it as a camera for street photography.

The results of this roll really inspired me to take out the Konica Auto S2 my boyfriend got me last year. I was never able to use it because of its completely faded patch. We're planning to work on this little trick to brighten up the patch and I'll update you how it goes. I was never inclined to rangefinders and I always thought of myself as an SLR and toy camera kind of gal. However, the Konica Auto S2 converted me and now I'm a believer!

note: Centuria DNP 400 film used